The Porridge

The Most Serious Scottish Broadsheet
Salmond: “you can have your independence, and eat it too”
24th June 2013

Amid ongoing rows about the practicalities of withdrawing from the Union, First Minister Alex Salmond has weighed into the debate insisting that “you can have your independence, and eat it too”. Before explaining his remarks, a beaming Salmond produced a large cake and proceeded to slowly cut it in front of the assembled press.

"Things like the Queen, currency, RBS’s liabilities and Team GB, let’s have those", he explained after eating his third slice, "Things like oil, the Tories and the bedroom tax, let’s not have those." The hungry journalists nodded sagely in agreement, their eyes fixed on the pieces of cake that were travelling methodically into the SNP leader’s mouth.

Critics were quick to highlight the inconsistencies in the pro-independence policy, suggesting a pick-and-choose approach to an independent Scotland would not be feasible. Better Together Campaign Director Blair McDougall retorted to Salmond’s cake display that “too many cooks spoil the cake”. When it was pointed out that it’s usually bakers that make cakes, McDougall hesitated before responding, “don’t bite the hand that feeds you?”

Responding to the counterattacks, ‘Big Eck’ pointed out to journalists that even after the press conference, he still had cake, posting an image of himself with a Tunnock’s Tea Cake to his Twitter account for proof. The resulting Twitter flame war that occurred led to members of the public and politicians alike debating the key differences between cakes and biscuits, with the Better Together campaign pledging full public support of McVitie’s Jaffa Cakes.

Salmond however maintained that Scotland’s cake reserves were secure “beyond 2050”, adding that cakes were an entirely renewable resource, given enough flour. After praising Scotland’s stalwart cake industry, Salmond invited journalists to next week’s conference, where he would have more cake, and will be explaining how Scotland could be free of nuclear weapons while maintaining thousands of jobs at Faslane.

#Independence  #alex salmond  #cake  #tunnocks